Never been too good a time Keeper

Well actually I'm not particularly deficient in that area. Having realised that I'm either always far too early for things or 5 minutes late, I generally tend to opt for the former option. This état d'ésprit is not one that is held particularly dear in these parts. So it seems. I have already been well warned that things generally don't start on time here, so taking this into account I turned up to the meeting a good half hour late. It was a ceremony to mark the handing over to the President of the Republic (Laurent Gbagbo) of the Commission Nationale des Droits de l'Homme en Côte d'Ivoire (CNDCI) of their first official report on the situation of human rights in Côte d'Ivoire. Of course, the President did not come in person (as I naively imagined) but sent some minion from one ministry or another. But before we even got that far, let me mention that I sat for an entire hour and a half waiting for proceedings to commence. I was ushered into a fabulously outdated conference room, having been greeted by a fanfare and shaken hands with about 10 men whose identity remains a mystery. And vice versa - I didn't think it was appropriate to divulge my lowly status at that point, nor could I bring myself to try and pass myself off as an official representative of the Delegation. Which I suppose I was de facto. I found my seat (well I was shown my seat beside the representative of the UN in Côte d'Ivoire) with a voice inside my head screaming "fraud" "impostor". An hour and a half in my electric orange cinema seat, admiring the Buck Rogers-esque light fittings, and many false starts initiated by the fanfare outside, who incidentally, were in competition with 'atmospheric' music inside the conference room varying from prog rock to sleazy jazz saxophone medleys of 'when I fall in love' and the Lion King song. It was a grand affair, with about 50 members of the Commission, some in tribal attire, most in suits. It's still a mystery to me how people don't die of heat stroke on those things! For my part, I was holding on for dear life in this molten air conditioning-free environment. One of the men was wearing this impressive toga arrangement that was bedazzled with glittery jewels and an 80s-esque knotted headband. Any man comfortable enough with his virility to wear glitter deserves respect, I say. Other observations included the man in front of me and his phone, which featured a screen saver depicting Jesus Christ. I noted that this was the traditional western depiction of Jesus in all his Aryan glory, which was rather interesting. Finally, my musings were interrupted by the MC who proceeded to introduce, by name and function, each and every one of the Commissioners. Did I mention there were about 50? I soon realised that I had made a fatal error in judgement in not taking heed of the word 'ceremony' on the invitation. For what followed was the most bizarre concoction of serious subject matter with the sublime and preposterous. Having said about 2 words about the CNDCI and the report (well 2 words in a round about manner that amounted to 10 minutes speaking time), the MC introduced a performer who emerged from the back of the auditorium, decked out in a leopard print tunic and Nigerian pimp shoes - the very pointy kind. He's called Bomou Mamadou and is a self-appointed 'maitre de la parole', who basically speaks poetry in a scary Joey Starr voice. http://www.bomou.com/bomou.htm I believe these types of poetry 'slam' as they are called, are very popular with young people in France. Personally, the very concept makes me shudder with cringe and induces waves of childish giggles from the very pit of my stomach. So the angry words just kept falling out of his mouth, accompanied by an eerie musical baseline, and he told us his thoughts. Yes, he certainly did. And there were many thoughts. On many subjects. The audience seemed to like it and at one point I felt like I was trapped in an evangelical service with an overly enthusiastic preacher, with the crowd 'um-hmming' along to the salient points. That or a Chris Rock gig, I wasn't quite sure. And then again, a shift to the serious subject matter, where the director of the Commission told us about serious shortages and the many obstacles they faced. But still not a lot on the actual human rights. I was hoping I would at least make it to the PowerPoint presentation on the report before dissolving into a pool of h20, but no, again with the musical interludes. I'm sorry if I sound critical here, but my lord, the famous artiste Betika appeared and actually MIMED THE WORDS to her song (which sounded like it was being played on a mini ghetto blaster) and just sort of sauntered around and gesticulated. An actual PLAYBACK. It was just too much. My will to live was fast diminishing, when finally came the presentation. This consisted of a man going through each parsimonious slide with the phrases 'rights of children', 'rights of women', 'right against cruel and inhuman treatment' etc (1 per slide) adding after each slide 'this information can be found in the report' or 'again, more information on this in the report'. What a rip off! An hour and a half over-time and they decide to scrimp and save on the presentation instead of all the other ridiculousness! Well feeling rather crestfallen and very hot, I finally went away, report in hand. I'm told that its often the only way of actually getting these reports so at least that's something. But to be honest, after an initial glance at the damn thing, I'm not even sure it was worth it, comedy factor aside. A lesson learned.

World Bank

Why did they choose a basketball as their logo?

Today I went to a meeting at the World Bank which was set up to discuss an extensive report they are publishing on the situation of the education sector in Côte d'Ivoire. Things are not great, with 42% of children aged between 7-12 not attending school. As with the public sector in general, part of the problem is linked to the effective partition of the country between the government-controlled south, and the centre and north (CNO – centre nord ouest) controlled by the Forces Nouvelles – the rebels. There are various agreements in place and the process of handing back the reigns to the local 'prefectures' across the country is supposed to have happened. In reality, decentralisation and effective local governance is something that has yet to be achieved, making things very difficult for many people. Anyway, wasn’t going to talk about this, was going to talk about the mini-muffins. Just setting the context. So you can tell straight away when you walk into the World Bank that you're dealing with a completely different type of animal. And its not just the mini-muffins, it’s the technology and even the way the meeting was carried out. Result-driven, to the point (relatively) and less bogged down by procedure than the French/Commission way of doing things. We are dealing with Americans here, people. Anyway, we arrived late and took our (very comfortable) seats. After a presentation on the report, nicely presented on both a projector and fancy giant screen, I was startled to hear voices from afar chiming into the discussion. Indeed the fancy screen flashed onto the other participants (who's presence until that moment, I was quite unaware of) who were located in Washington, Paris and Cotonou. I was mighty impressed, this being my first participation in a video conversation (choppy/frustrating Skype conversations with the Brussels office during my time at Front Line, not withstanding). So an interesting experience, all in all and some pertinent points by the fawn-like character who was chairing the meeting. Aside from the fact that I now feel like I have the flu and am having childhood flashbacks of ear ache and gross ear drops, thanks to the artificial artic wind that blew around the room for the duration of the meeting. In other news I have discovered, though thankfully not from personal experience but rather from expat anecdotes, that Ivorians eat everything. As in all creatures great and small. Yes, not only does this include monkey meat, which seemingly is quite pricey (still grossed out by story about someone finding a mini hand in their dinner) but ladies and gentlemen, they eat cats. Cats. I mean janey, how much meat can there be on the poor blighters' bodies?? And they eat the head, no less. Can you imagine what Rolf Harris and the rest of the Pet Rescue team would think? I mean I know people say that in the UK and Ireland we're way too into our pets, but come on. I hope Jeremy isn't reading this and I'm glad he's safely tucked away on another continent!

Long meetings and my State of the Nation

Today I attended a conference on Partnerships in the context of the fight against HIV/AIDS. It's not really the area I'm going to be working on directly (although seem to have been looking at a lot of public health stuff so far) but my boss thought it would be useful to attend since HIV/AIDS is crosscutting issue. She also said it would be interesting from a sociological perspective to experience the whole ceremonial aspect of the way business is conducted in these parts. I believe the term 'langue de bois' was mentioned. The forum was held in quite a large family planning/health centre in Treichville, and was attended by about a hundred or so participants from a selection of national ministries, ngos, the EC delegation, the US ambassador, and other stakeholders (parties prennantes.. I'm learning the lingo). The forum was presided by the Minister for the Fight Against Aids, an entirely separate ministry from the Ministry of Health, which is quite unique. Why do I always think of the Ministry of Magic or Ministry of Sound when I hear that word? Anyway, Madame la Ministre was announced and everyone stood up while she made her entrance. Proceedings began and she welcomed practically each participant individually (which took some time). We eventually heard 3 presentations on the finalisation of some big report on the HIV/AIDS situation. Before coming here I had thought that having spent a week chaperoning a human rights defender from the DRC in Dublin a few years ago, would be a sufficient induction to understanding African French. I was wrong. The different accents coupled with intonation and sometimes digestion of entire words, made an already complex and acronym-heavy topic (HIV/AIDS) rather inaccessible to poor little me. Without the powerpoint presentations I would have been a gonner! The whole thing was filmed by various different people gliding around the room, who kept fixing on me and the other 4 white people there (I counted) as though our presence constituted some sort of validation of the whole activity. If they only knew my lowly status and quasi-nil influence! The US ambassador was reminiscent of a friendlier and cuddlier version of Condi Rice and was quite impressive in the modest but very articulate way she expressed herself in French. She was flanked to the rear by some advisors, one of which was dressed in very sensible 'summer attire'. A seersucker suit to be precise, white and pale blue (seersucker is a term I learned from my good friend Margaret who is learned in all things WASPish). In fact he looked rather like a CIA agent who had just stepped out of Panama in the 70s. Anyway, the whole meeting was a very interesting exercise in understanding the various political dynamics that go on and the sometimes not-so diplomatic dialogue. The US government basically pours in a load of cash into the HIV/AIDS sector, which is something like 85% funded by international donors, while in fact HIV/Aids only affects around 4% of the population. Other sectors such as education, health, water, and other diseases such as malaria and tuberculosis etc are seriously under-funded and ill-managed, but are not seen as a priority, despite the fact that they affect many more people. Côte d'Ivoire is also officially under UN sanctions because of the recent political conflict, and the US cannot therefore be seen as an official partner, although it does in effect provide a great deal of funding. Therefore it concentrates its funding in vertical programmes, where funds are managed by various execution agencies, but it retains full control from the top, over how the funds are spent. The EU model on the other hand, is one of direct partnership with governments of developing countries; where a greater degree of autonomy and flexibility is allowed. All this is set out by the Cotonou Agreement that has been giving me a headache since yesterday and makes any of the legislation I've read all year look like Mills & Boons. As things stand, Côte d'Ivoire is only just in the process of coming out of the conflict period and is completely debilitated by internal corruption. I don't know how many times I've heard the word 'pourri' in my 3 days at the Delegation. It's therefore understandable that donors are reluctant to provide direct funding to X Ministry, when it's likely that half of it will be siphoned off to line the pockets of a lucky few. Anyway, quite interesting stuff, though quite disheartening too. It's very easy to see how people can get jaded and frustrated working in developing countries where good governance and basic political structures and management are just not there. I'll tell ya, makes Bertie, Berlusconi and pals look like model citizens.

Rain and Elephants

Today it is raining. A lot. And it doesn't seem to be showing any sign of waning. The only variances between these large quantities of water being dumped from the sky are the angles at which they fall. Sometimes it vertical, then for a few minutes it tilts slightly to 30°. This meteorological experience does beg the question of why I swapped one type of shit weather for a different version of the same? Oh, now its horizontal. Just looked out to see what all the noise was and saw the Ivorian national football team's bus drive past. Could even see into the bus from this height and caught sight of some of the players. Flashback to living on the same street as the Emirates stadium for a year and seeing the Arsenal team drive by, though they were snooty and had blacked out windows. I pretended to myself that I had seen Henry on several occasions. Think Drogba is probably the only player I'd recognise to be honest, and that's only because of his oddly straightened hair. And the fact that he plays for Chelsea. Not that I'm a Chelsea fan or fan of any of the Premiership teams, for that matter, not being English and all, but do have slightly more extensive knowledge of the players as compared to local African teams. Just realised the national stadium is about 10metres away from here (at the end of the road) and I can actually see it from here! Though don't think I'll be going to a match in a hurry, as a number of people were actually killed in a stampede there a few weeks ago. Will stick to the telly. Also, my desk lamp looks like a tyrannosaurus rex.

First day at the Delegation

Stomach in roaring bad mood, was collected and deposited at Delegation. Met lots of people whose names I don't remember, and had embarrassing facial recognition problems when it came to local staff. Have a feeling was introduced to the same person twice and didn't realise it. Generally very nice people with a few exceptions. Will reserve judgment on those until later date. Advisor/boss person very nice and I think she expects great things from me, which is slightly frightening. Working in unit (which consists of 2 people) managing programmes and projects with civil society partners. Attended a meeting with local UNICEF staff who apparently have much to learn in the ways of the EC's budgeting and finance framework and accountability of their projects. That makes 2 of us. Trawling through 160 page document on Aid Delivery Methods, and Project Cycle Management. In French. Laughing at the thought of Dad reading some of the translations of management jargon/terminology, which are already fairly preposterous in English. With limited knowledge even I can see ridiculousness of translation of some of the terms. Forgot to mention have unfairly nice office, all to myself. Even have a balcony with a view on a busy street. Though still no shagging internet. Maybe it’s a form of bissutage in these parts? Oh, also met Head of Delegation (big boss. Literally, very tall) and felt like I was being brought to the principals office. Very nice, though punctuates speech with knowing silent gaps and intense stares. Slightly disconcerting. Also, staff have coffee every morning at 9:15 (since most people have been in for a while by that stage). The prospect of coffee and chocolate at that time of the morning quite nauseating, so have managed to sit quietly with my nerdy glass of water. Afraid they will judge me when they discover I don't drink coffee. Or eat chocolate at dawn. So far limited participation in 'light conversation' during civil-service-esque morning 'pause café' but hopefully will improve when they discover I am a human being, not just a stagiaire.

Outing in Grand Bassam

Yesterday we decided to make a trip to the resort of Grand Bassam, a few kilometres to the east of Abidjan, to take in some sun and have a bain de mer. Grand Bassam was the capital of Cote d'Ivoire during the colonial era and still has some nice examples of colonial style houses. Unfortunately the weather was not on our side (rain all morning) but we decided to go anyway. We headed off with 2 of Derv's colleagues from Wild Chimpanzee Organisation, Claudia and Camille; and Cammille's son, Ayan. He's a little terror but possibly one of the cutest children I have ever encountered in my life. When I got into the car, he shyly said 'bonjour Tantie'. He also has unfathomably long eyelashes. Anyway, after stopping in a market (under lashings of rain) to check out some of the jewellery sold by some Touregs, we settled in the 'resort'. There are basically lots of hotel/restaurants on the sea front that you can eat in and then use the pool or swim in the sea. Because of the bad weather there very few people, save for a few customers and the owners, who made me feel slightly ashamed to be French. Apparently some people haven't quite accepted the decolonisation of the African continent and continue to behave as though they are the masters and others their inferiors. Apart from sitting around drinking Pastis they were generally pretty harmless but there's a general seedy colonial undertone that was confirmed by 2 separate white older men coming in to the restaurant with not one, but two young and attractive Ivorian women on their arms. Shudder. If the guy's sagging jowls and bingowings were anything to go by, I can’t imagine the state of his rear. Despite these sociological (anthropological even?) observations, a great day was had, and I tasted my first Ivorian fish. Since Machoiron wasn't on the menu (!) I settled for a nice safe fillet of sole, with various accompaniments including the renowned 'alloco' (fried plantain) and ‘attieké’, which is tapioca. I don't yet feel confident to graduate onto dishes were you are served the entire fish and have to 'démerde' yourself. Though I was slightly disturbed by my neighbours' daurade staring up at me through his (crispy) round little eyes, and impressive display of orthodontics. We had a wander down the beach after our long lunch and sat in front of the waves for a while. A very nice day indeed, finished off at home with the consumption of bizarre interpretations of patisseries.

Good morning Abidjan

We arose after a rather troubled sleep for me (Derv slept like a log) and facing the prospect of a barren fridge, headed off for some breakfast. We went to a nice little bakery called Paco, in the quartier Plateau 2. The compound is in the little bit in the middle of the lagoon called le Plateau. It’s the administrative quarter and strangely reminded me of Sarajevo (odd comparison, I know) in that there's a sense that the development was once there and had started to flourish and then was somehow frozen in time and had become dilapidated. There are certainly a number of high rises, but the 'Mini Manhattan' label is somewhat misleading. But it is geographically similar in that you have the sort of Presque-ille Plateau (Manhattan) then on right Cocody (Brooklyn) and to the left Youpougon (New Jersey). Anyway, we enjoyed a nice breakfast of croissants/pain au choc, and for Derv some congealed Nescafe. Needless to say, my stomach has been feeling somewhat sulky and at times despondent. But I did make the acquaintance of a rather friendly (and large) lizard who sprinted over, stopped, looked around, did 2 or 3 push-ups (honestly!) and then disappeared again. They all seem to do it. They're very sporty people the Ivoirians, from what I can tell. Not just their reptile-folk. On the way from the airport the first night I saw lots of different groups of teenage/young men running up and down and training etc. I suppose maybe they all hope to be the next Etto or Drogba. After breakfast, Dervla's friend/fathers' driver Traore, came to pick us up and we drove to Treichville (there is no NYC homologue at this point). All the separate little bits of Abidjan are connected by a handful of bridges and very long straight roads. Well actually 2 bridges. We spent the afternoon doing various errands and picking up supplies in the Lebanese-owned supermarket Hyatt. Its one of the pricier ones and you can get most of the same stuff as in France. I even saw a (white) 'dame d'un certain age' with a little lap dog in her hand and I swear for a second I thought I was in Paris. Needless to say we have been getting rather a lot of attention due to our (well my) undeniable whiteness. Its entertaining that people think that Derv and I look similar (me with my bluish-hued skin, freckles and red hair; her with her practically black skin, and brown hair?!). I would like to say at this point that during the course of the day I saw not one, but two local people (in completely different parts of the city and at different times of the day) wearing Republic of Ireland jerseys. I did a double take but sure enough there it was! The second one was a rugby jersey but was most definitely bedazzled with shamrocks. Very strange. Between that and the Hyace van decked out in the Tricolour (albeit upside down) I could be forgiven for thinking I was at home. Another observation is that there are a lot of giant signs interspersed on the big highways advertising skin whitening products, with freakish looking women and discreet descriptions of 'tein embellie'. I mean I really do have to laugh at the fact that women across the UK and Ireland wander the streets in a state of perpetual orangeness in a an attempt to look tanned and exotic, while here the women are attempting the exact opposite. The grass is certainly oranger or whiter on the other side. Finally, on our 'premier appercu' of the city, we detoured via Yopougon (New Jersey) where Derv lives and works. It has a completely different atmosphere to the other parts of the city and feels like a collection of different villages grouped together. Its just across the lagoon but some people have never left Youpougon (or Youp Ville!) and haven't ever crossed over to the other side of the city. You can imagine that the stares were on overdrive as we passed through. Derv says she's not that conscious about sticking out, but I think it’s a combination of desensitisation to the attention on her part, and the fact that there were two of us. Its not in anyway threatening, but person after person we passed on the road did double takes, the kids got excited and laughed and pointed, and generally we provoked a great deal of curiosity. We went for 'une sucrerie' (in this case a fanta and coke) in the Maquis behind Derv's apartment. The Maquis are basically bars or cafes that are outdoor and basically composed of a few tables and chairs (if you're lucky) and sometimes food prepared in a barbecue pit-type scenario. So we had a drink in the 'Espace de Machoirons a Piqué’ (catchy, isn’t it?) with the owner, M. N’datcha who told me all about the machoirons (a type of fish found in the lagoon and in the sea). He even showed me a video on his phone (the extended version with director's commentary) of said machoiron being roasted on a spit (piquet). That particular Maquis was surrounded by various different bits of wood nailed together to form walls, but with plenty of gaps in between. A group of boys aged between maybe 6 and 12-13 were hyper excited by our arrival and hovered around outside (well the whole thing is outside cause there's no roof, but you get me). They were so cheeky and cute and kept asking us questions. Then they'd be shooed away by M. N’Datcha, despite their pleadings of 'allez Tonton, on veu voir les blanches!!') Here they say Tantie and Tonton for Madame and Monsieur, by the way. Slowly they'd re-appear and hide behind the door, trying to sneak a look through the gaps between the planks, and again be shooed!

Afrique Noire dans le Noir

My journey from Brussels to Côte d'Ivoire was punctuated with a stop-over in Monrovia, Liberia which actually formed my first ever impression of Africa. Approaching the landing strip I was met with lush green tree-tops, muddy rivers snaking through the land, and then lots of UN choppers in neat little rows. Oh and torrential rain! We stayed on the ground for about an hour or so – just enough time for passengers to get on and off, for staff to come on to the plane and fumigate the place, and for the cabin crew to make several announcements that diamond smuggling is an indictable offence punishable by a minimum sentence of 6 months. I think I'll stick with Tiffany's, cheers. So I finally landed in Abidjan, having forgotten that it would be night time at that point. Its quite scary because you begin your approach into complete darkness and given that you know you're landing in the next 2 minutes, you rather expect to be able to some sign of life outside the window. Finally at the very last minute a sprinkling of lights become apparent on the coast line, but I'll tell you its no Dublin bay. The fear of landing into complete nothingness was rather troubling. On arrival in the slightly less rustic airport than 'Monrovia Roberts International' I was swept up by the delegation head of security (who I'll call 'Miguel' for the purposes of this blog) who was rather reminiscent of a perma-tanned GI Jo with all the accessories to match, including what can only be described as a monster truck with an oversized arial/radio transmitter yolk. Derv also informed me that they're bullet proof. The cars, not the security staff. Anyway, before I had got to that point I was ushered into a 'posh lounge' (I use the term loosely) while my passport was whisked away by 'Miguel' and all details taken care of. Then we waltzed right past the 20m long queu of people waiting at passport control and walked straight out. It was a relief to finally see Derv, who was waiting in a sea of people who had just previously got very excited about seeing the footballer Etto and his team of 10 bodyguards. The 'Elephants' were playing Cameroon on Saturday. So off we went to the compound. I feel a bit sick every time I say that word, but what can you do? I think it’s always a bit strange for your first impression of a city/country to be unveiled at night time. Everything always seems a bit more menacing! But our apartment (since Derv has kindly unofficially moved in to my more luxurious abode for the next 8 weeks) was nice and welcoming, and spacious, if a little Spartan in décor. I'm willing to forgo stylistic disagreements for the privilege of air conditioning!!